I often hear parents complain about things their child has done. I have often complained about this. Being a parent can be frustrating. Here’s a small list of things that many parents think their child should be doing for the parent: Doing chores (cleaning their room, help with dinner, etc) Being obedient Being respectful and polite Giving the parent a card and gift on special occasions (birthday, holiday, mother’s/father’s day, etc.) Calling the parent (for older children or adult children) Telling the truth to the parent Talking to the parent (“What did you do at school today?”) I’m sure that nearly every parent would have a different list of things they think their children owes them. In the box below, you can find my list of all the things that a child owes a parent: That’s right, nothing. NADA. Children don’t owe their parents anything. Children don’t owe their parents a birthday gift, a Christmas gift or a thank you. Children don’t owe their parents a phone call on their birthday, on their parents birthday or any holiday for that matter. Children don’t owe their parents “spending time together” or “communication.” Children certainly don’t owe their parents love. Children didn’t ask to be brought into this world and they certainly didn’t ask to be brought into this world to some asshole, demanding and needy parents who can’t even be nice to their own child. Parents who are “nice” aren’t owed anything by their children either. Parents brought their kids into this… Read moreWhat Children Owe Their Parents
This is post 4 of 4 on Bullying. You might want to go back and read the previous parts: Bullying Part 1: Bullying Bullying Part 2: Bullying and Spanking Bullying Part 3: Bully Parenting Here are the main points from the previous posts: Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to dominate others. Spanking is the use of violence against children in an attempt to coerce a child’s behavior. If you spank your child, you are a bully. Normal parenting is usually just parents bullying a child. Almost all, if not all parents, are sometimes bully parents. Punishments and rewards are examples of bully parenting. General Social Survey Since 1972, the University of Chicago’s General Social Survey (GSS) has asked people a ton of questions, trying to determine how Americans feel about everything: parenting, crime, abortion, mental health, welfare, etc. You name it, they’ve probably asked it. In 1986 they started asking this question: Do you strongly agree, agree, disagree, or strongly disagree that it is sometimes necessary to discipline a child with a good, hard, spanking? Lets make sure we understand this. We’re not talking about a little swat on the butt. We’re talking about a “good, hard, spanking.” What percentage of american think that children need to be hit, I mean spanked? Here’s how the responses averaged out from 1986 to 2014:
This is post 3 of 4 on Bullying. You might want to go back and read the earlier parts: Bullying Part 1: Bullying Bullying Part 2: Bullying and Spanking Here are the important parts from that we established before: Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to dominate others. Spanking is the use of violence against children in an attempt to coerce a child’s behavior. Spanking is a parent bullying a child. In this post, I want to talk about various parenting behaviors and techniques. In particular, I want to talk about “normal” parenting that is, in fact, bullying. Spoiler alert: Most parenting techniques are bullying!
This is post 2 of 4 on Bullying. You might want to go back and read part one: Bullying Part 1: Bullying Okay, just in case you don’t go back to read more, here’s what we decided in part one: Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to dominate others. Those bullied can not easily defend themselves. Bullying is harmful to both those being bullied and those bullying. Anyone can bully or be bullied. In particular: Children can bully other children Children can bully adults Adults can bully other adults Adults can bully children Parents can even bully their own children In this post, I want to talk about spanking. In particular, I want to talk about parents who spank their children as a form of discipline. What is Spanking?
What is a bully? What do bullies do that is so bad? Is being bullied really bad and hurtful to someone? Is all bullying bad or only some types of bullying? Who can bully who? This is the first post in a 4 part series on bullying. A Definition of Bullying So that we know what we’re talking about, lets start with a definition bullying. I’ll let you do your own google search on bullying but here are the key points that I cobbled together: From the U.S. Government’s stopbullying.gov: Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior between individuals that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. In order to be considered bullying, the behavior must be aggressive and include: An Imbalance of Power: Individuals who bully use their power to control or harm others. Repetition: Bullying behaviors happen more than once or have the potential to happen more than once. From National Bullying Prevention Center: An act is bullying when: The behavior hurts, humiliates, or harms another person physically or emotionally. Those targeted by the behavior have difficulty stopping the action directed at them, and struggle to defend themselves. There is also a real or perceived imbalance of power between the parties. Finally, from Wikipedia: Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others.
This page came across my Facebook feed today: 7 Mistakes LDS Parents Make and How to Avoid Them